Why Does It Take Me So Long To Read?

Why does it take me so long to read?

To read this word, this line, this stanza,

Sentence, paragraph, page, book. This novel?

Is it because I can’t forget about what that word meant on page 36?

Or is it because everything I peruse dissipates past my eyes?

Most likely it is the former.
 

Why do I read so slowly?

An 80 page, double spaced book

With more blank spaces than black text.

Why does it take me two weeks?

Is it because I am laggard?

Or is it because I like savoring the words kept in my mouth?

Not easily to move onto the next word
Without an ephemeral capsule of knowing what each and every word meant.

Here’s something noteworthy,

What we will not grasp is lost.

I want to extract every penny I paid from this book.

Yes, I’m frugal and being thrifty doesn’t help my advances.

I am a man stuck within my head.

(My sanity does not thank me for that)

I cannot force myself out of or past my headspace.

That’s gold capital, real estate.

I spend my time starring into thin air, blank wall, digital clocks, empty spaces.

And stare at moments passing by, like this one.

I call this productive procrastination.

Leading myself on acute tangents.

I spend my life in organizing my life.

I spend time thinking how I will spend it.

I spend days, hours, minutes on things that should be seconds.

I spend more time thinking than doing.

I don’t care if I do this again.

I wish, hope and pray I don’t.

But if I do, a note to future self:

Take longer, that's you.

5/12/15 written at around 11pm-ish after finishing Pity the Beautiful. This is my first post in over two years post high-schooling, it feels empty up here.